What Scares You the Most?

 What Scares You the Most?

By: John R. Halstead

The uncertainty of the coronavirus pandemic and the eventual economic disaster it will leave is going to make keeping a home in a safe neighborhood over your head even more difficult. I spoke with some veterans that lived homeless after their tours. They were suffering from PTSD, depression, anxiety, medical bills, and they had been on the other side of the world for 4-12 years. Many joined the military because they did not have a secure home and when they returned, they had nobody to guide them. It was not their fault, but the world labeled them as bums, addicts, and the like. Hearing their stories of cold nights, thieves, and run-ins with the law sounded like things that would not happen in the United States. Even after the V.A. and other social workers found them help it took months for them to get treatment and assistance. They struggled with alcohol and substance use disorders that were not drugs of recreation for them. These were their pain killers for severed nervous systems, broken backs, mental illness, and while they killed the pain at first now, they are a new problem that threatens their finances, health, relationships, and families. These are the hero’s that fought on the front lines. These were the IED dodgers and the paramedics that saved countless young lives of young men and women that they will never see or hear from again. Now, with a worldwide pandemic and an economy that is floating on funny printed money and increased unemployment benefits that are going away, and an uncertain election I read that the coronavirus numbers are on the rise worldwide. Some countries may have to shut down again. The funny money is gone, and the politicians are playing games. After the election, help may come. How much though? What about the job losses and the wages that have fallen? I know these veterans because I worked a dangerous job in private security, and I went through the same mental problems. I have managed to keep my home but while recovering from depression I have left a spotty job record despite my 5 years in security, 10 years as a teacher, 5 years is sales, and a Master’s degree not to mention another two years of counseling classes. Yes, I am afraid of being homeless almost every day. Every day I think about how I am spending any money, even if it is just for basic groceries. Or for example, should I spend that money on a suit for a job interview. Now the check engine light is on in my 12-year-old car. My wife our only income needs surgery and will be out of work unpaid for 6 weeks. God help us if she gets coronavirus.

I am constantly checking my bank account balances. How much longer before we go broke.  If something happens to my car, or to me medically, how long would I be OK? With my wife’s job, we make too much for any program. Meanwhile, I see the losers getting taxes back they never paid and buying 8-foot televisions with them. I know there are no safety nets. If you are lucky at most, a couple of churches will help you with some canned foods here and there.

My family is too old, and I cannot get help from them. I only had one friend who offered to let me stay in her home. It is not that bad yet. 

I get flashbacks sometimes, remembering, it was horrifying and terrifying every single minute of every single day I was homeless. It changes you. He starts feeling more primitive,

You no longer trust that everything will always be OK. You learn that it doesn't matter if you're a good person, responsible, stay away from bad people stay away from trouble, work hard at your job, and do your very best, and just be disciplined in life. Sometimes, people, have things that happen to them that are out of their control.

This country is made to be capitalistic, but it does not work when everything closes. It is amazing how quickly cruelty sinks in and you become the problem instead of a struggling victim.

Do not assume that homeless people are all druggies or alcoholics or lazy. Wake the hell up. If you do not stand for them who will be there to stand for you someday? Cannot happen to you? People are stockpiling food and buying guns. 

 I would rather be starving in a cold, dark apartment with no electricity but still have water, fire, and some weapons. A gang maybe. Everyone is going around with their head in the sand. I hope I am wrong. I am not though. People are already homeless. Eviction and foreclosures are going to be a reality soon. We live in a nation that needs you to consume and as a result, few people have any emergency savings. I will be damned if they get help while I go through mine. There is a lot of tension mounting and our hopes for good leadership are abysmal. Trump says he won and so far none of his lawsuits have gone anywhere. So can you blame me for asking as Merle Haggard did, "Are the good times really over for good?" This is not a country that is prepared to handle real bad times.